The cry of the broken

I don’t think I will be able to last for another year.

I feel overwhelmed by the sorrow of not being the perfect person I always imagined couple of years back. My dreams looked nothing like the reality I am faced with right now.

Yes, it is all my fault. Bad choices, bad decisions. I won’t have to be blamed anymore if I can just end it. I could save myself and every other person the hurt of disappointment, the sorrow of being a failure, the fear of always needing someone.

It took pain for me to write again after a really long time. A couple of paragraphs gone and I am not sure if this article will end the way the others end; in hope, a smile and a reason to continue living.

Every day that goes by adds a burden to me. Every second that passes adds drops of fear in my heart. Time they say heals, but as I have come to realize, it is also capable of destroying. How can something a lot of people pray for, become so deadly?

I am scared I have come to the end, out of options, out of choices. In a normal storyline, this should be the signal for the next act, the savior flying in at the last minute to save the day. But everything about me has been different, so I don’t expect some last minute saving.

I won’t give up so easy though. Till the end, I will keep hoping, praying it ends soon enough.

I wish there was somewhere to run away to, somewhere to hide from all of these. Somewhere I won’t need to face myself. I am running away from myself as hard as I can. But I cannot outrun myself, can I? Everything I tried did not work.

Now I am stuck with me and the only option is to separate me from me. Do I have the courage? Do I need to?

They’ll ask, what is wrong with me? They’ll never understand beyond the words. They’ll say I need deliverance. Of course I do, from myself.

I really am tired. Like I presumed, this would not end the way the others ended, in hope. However, with the last strength within me, I stretch forth in hope. Hoping someone will find me and help me up. I still choose to hope. But this might be the last I can afford.

To anyone reading, who is in this same position, stretch out your hand too. You still got a fighting chance. Let’s choose to still hope with all that we got which might not be a lot but could just be enough. Perhaps someone could be listening and run to our aid.

~Anonymous