Dealing With Depression

Good morning, what is really good about the morning? With everything happening around me, I am not sure seeing a new day is what I really want right now. The dark skies seemed to cover all that seems to be going on, making them seem non-existent. My closed eyes shut out the painful thoughts that never seem to want to give way.

Now I am here, back to reality. Not sure what I will do with my life while the little monster lingers in my consciousness.

Snap out of it! A lot of people say. Stop being pitiful, some others say. They are sincerely trying to help. But nobody can ever understand what it means to be you even if they have gone through the same things you are going through.

I wanted people to see that I was trying, that I hated being this way. I wanted to be better. I stopped trying when it felt like they cannot just see it.

What I did, however, was to stop focusing on what was going on around me, including the people who consistently complained about me and my attitude without ever seeing my efforts. I started looking inside to work on the actually subject, Me.

Nobody would understand me, from my own perspective. There is no need arguing with that. Therefore, depending on people to help me is asking for too much from people who have no clue what it means to be me. I can only look to myself to figure out how to get out of this hole.

What I have been able to do so far is to be sincere with myself, speak with someone about exactly how I feel whether the person understands or not. It helps me vent and empty myself. And as I have learned recently, emptying oneself of one’s thoughts is a good way to be mentally healthy. You can call it burning mental fat.

Sometimes I look for understanding but I am learning not to expect understanding and just look for a listening ear.

“I have found a friend in Jesus
He is everything to me
He’s the fairest of ten thousand to my soul
He’s the Lily of the valley, in Him alone I see
All my needs to cleanse and make me fully whole.”

These lyrics have never meant so much until now. In Him we have a friend who always hears us, feels our pains, and the only being that understands us.

I know it is hard pouring your heart to someone you cannot see, but He is all we have and it would not hurt to try pouring our hearts to Him. What’s the worst that could happen? You find out you were just talking to yourself? Lol… That is nothing compared to someone condemning you or telling you what you do not need to hear.

I still struggle with trusting Him sometimes, but deep within me, I know (just like you know) that He cares more than anyone else in this world and He wants to help.

Dealing with depression has never been easy, but I can always rely on Him to help me through. Even in the grave silence, I know He is there stretching out His hand, calling me out to take it.

I do hope this helps you just as it helped me.