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Father’s Day: Why Fatherhood is Scary

I was raised by an amazing father, who defined fatherhood for me:

  • Responsibility
  • Sacrifice
  • Selflessness
  • Humility
  • Determination
  • Perseverance

Trust me, if I go on, I will end up creating a post on a list of qualities of an amazing Father.

Watching my father take responsibility when things got tough for the family helped build a personality of the father I wished to be. It also got me scared.

One who will do all he can possibly to ensure his family is taken care of. One who is not too proud to ask for help when he needs. One who loves his family unconditionally, and shows it not just in words but in his deeds and actions.

Perhaps you can relate well with this or not. I am so sorry if you did not experience the love and care of a father. No one deserves that. Which is why I am calling you to be the man you probably never had, a father.

The one thing that scares me the most about fatherhood is actually the responsibility. This is what births the other attributes.

A responsible father is selfless and sacrificial – thinking of others first before himself. He is perseverant and determined, ensuring that his family has what they need, when they need it.

I guess I wondered how I could meet all of these standards, and it really scared me. Especially knowing that being a father is more than having biological children. A father ends up having more children than he actually helped give birth to.

Asides my brother and I, my father has countless children. He has a record for all their birthdays, wedding anniversaries and other important dates. A lot of people will come home to discuss their problems, with their career, families, education, everything, and looked up to him for solutions. And he always had something for them – in words and deeds.

It is tough enough to have 3 young chaps who look up to you. Now having scores of people, married and unmarried, look up to you, that must be a heavy burden to carry. And if there is something I admire a lot about my dad, it is how he carries burdens. You’ll hardly ever see it on his face. I mean, how does anyone do that? You will probably think he never gets worried. Whereas he actually does not allow his worries get to him.

It takes a lot to be a father actually. Beyond releasing sperms that produce children, you need to take responsibility for their growth and development. And to those who are faithful in little, more will be given.

You may be like me, scared of these responsibilities, worried that you will end up disappointing all these people. But like my father who learned to trust God to be a good father, we can also become good fathers by learning to trust the best Father of all, God.

Not getting married won’t absolve you of the responsibility of fatherhood. Not having kids won’t help you escape from the realities of being a father. You will meet a young man or woman who looks up to you at work, in the society, and it would be your responsibility to help the person grow and develop. Without taking advantage of the person.

Being a father is actually a lot of work, and that is no doubt scary. But it is also the closest you would get, to being like God, the Father of fathers, here on earth.

So, I am not allowing the fear stop me from experiencing the beauty of fatherhood. The sight of kids running to me when I get back from work, calling “Daddy!!!” gives me goosebumps. Experiencing a rare privilege to be a part of the process of shaping a young breeds future is humbling. Especially when you get to see the results of your work. There is no greater kind of fulfillment than seeing your seed grow to a beautiful flower that the world is grateful for. And this is greater than all my fears. I hope this is the same for you too.

Would you like to share your experience with your father? Do so in the comment section.

What do you think?

Written by Temitope

Temitope Durotoye is a Hope and Self Discovery Advocate. He is proudly African and loves to see young Africans be the best versions of themselves.

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