My Fear for What Ifs

I am a very logical person, and that means that I think of a thousand and one possibilities in every situation. You can refer to them as “what ifs”.

What if this?
What if that?
What if she says no?
What if he does not approve?
What if they don’t understand?

Unfortunately, the more prominent possibilities tend to be the negatives. Hardly do we think about the positive possibilities. Perhaps because we think we’ve got more to lose if the negative possibility becomes a reality.

That being said, I face these “what ifs” scenarios on a regular basis, but I want to talk about one that really defined my life journey in 2018.

I was about quitting my job that I had started few months back. In all honesty, I was quite frustrated because I did not enjoy what I was doing, and I kept feeling drained. So, I thought, instead of continuing like this, let me just quit.

Then the possibilities started rushing in like a mighty storm, unsettling my mind.

What if I don’t get another job?
What if I get a job that would pay me far less than what I am earning currently?
What if I cannot find a job that I would enjoy and find fulfillment in?

As all the what ifs were coming in, one of the Directors gave me an enticing offer, to make me stay. I was going to be promoted, and was given a blank check on my salary (not like they could pay me 1 million naira per month anyway😂).

I wanted to leave because I knew I was not growing, and saw that working there would not take me to where I wanted to reach in my career. I felt like the job was a brief diversion for me to learn a couple of things, help in anyway I could, and move on. And I felt strongly that it was time to move on.

But… All the fears, all the calculations… I wasn’t getting any younger. Mum was already talking about settling down😂. That was scary🥺.

I still had to make a decision. One that I would take responsibility for.

I have always had a personal belief (you don’t have to have the same belief with me) that there is no good or bad decision, it is the actions that follow that decision that counts.

So, quitting a job that pays well, for example, is neither a good or bad decision. It is what you do afterwards, the responsibility you take for that decision that matters more.

I decided to quit. I did not even tell my parents until I had submitted my resignation letter. No need to explain how shocked and disappointed they were. They kept replaying my fears. Thankfully, there was no turning back at this point. On the 31st of December, 2018, I officially stopped working there, and reality dawned on me.

What did I just do? Everybody is looking for a job, and I am quitting a job without an alternative?

Listen, after every major decision you make, you will question yourself. Doubts will rise, but you need to rise above those doubts to see the light ahead of you.

In January, I got another job that paid me less than half of what I was earning at my former place of work🙈. My fears were coming to pass.

For the next three months, I kept asking myself why I made that decision. I should have just stayed there and kept applying for jobs – that’s the sensible thing to do.

Hey, many times, the most sensible thing to do may not be the best thing for you to do. We learn from other people’s personal experience, but everyone’s experience remains PERSONAL.

While questioning my decision, I kept learning on the job (it was actually a beautiful experience. I really hope to write about it later), also kept applying for jobs, until 3 months later, I got the call.

Note: Don’t judge beauty by lack of flaws. Sometimes, the flaws are what make up it’s beauty.

Earlier, I had already prayed about this job, that I wanted to spend just three months and move on to something better. In the third month, I was getting quite uneasy and really worried.

So, about that call; in the third month of the year of 2019, while at work, I received a call from the HR of a company I still cannot remember applying for. Her words still resound in my head today, as well as her name😂.

“I found your CV somewhere and I feel you are qualified for a recent opening in the company”. (Original transcript got lost with time😂. But you get the gist).

She interviewed me, and said she would get back to me. Lol… It took a while for her to actually call back. I thought it was one of those “near success syndromes” we usually pray against🙈.

Anyways, she eventually called back, I had other interviews via phone. (This was not during the pandemic period, just so you know). Eventually, I got the job, and I was to resume on the first day of the fourth month of 2019.

Just in case you are wondering, my salary was more than what I was earning at the job I quit. Don’t ask how much😅.

Beyond the salary though (which is quite important by the way), I got to enjoy working in the company. Lol… There have been really frustrating times though, but I am always excited when I look at the big picture, and how much I have grown and I’m still growing as a result of this.

The purpose of this is not to inspire you to quit your job. Lol… That is your call to make. What I hope to achieve with this is to show you that regardless of the decision you make, you have a huge responsibility in the outcome of that decision.

In other news, I just made another life defining decision. I will also be writing about this soon. A hint though; it is the beginning of another phase of my life. What do you think it is?😋

Thank you for following me thus far… Let me know what you think. Tell me about the scary decisions that you made that have influenced your life.