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Personality Bias

Personality bias

Let me start with a disclaimer; you may not understand my thoughts here, and you may not agree with them. And that is fine. I did not even know that there was such a term as Personality Bias until I googled it. Also, my thoughts may not exactly reflect the definition that experts have given to the term. I just want to share my thoughts on something that has bothered me for some time now and I hope to get your thoughts as well at the end.

I have often wondered why I am the way I am, and yes, I read the book (side eye), even though I still have not finished it. Lol… But it only left me with more questions than answers and a pinch of jealousy.

Why are certain people just more likeable than others?
Why do I have to try harder than a lot of people to make friends?

I wouldn’t want to bore you with the questions, you’ll probably end up even more confused than me. Oh wait, I cannot skip this one; why wasn’t I born as a girl?

Oh come on, don’t judge me. I honestly thought that girls naturally attract friends, especially males (for some reason). I have been proven wrong a couple of times, but I do think that more often than not, it is easier for girls to make friends. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Moving on… Sorry, that was totally off the topic.

There was a time, I felt that being an introvert was the worst thing that ever happened to me, particularly socially. I would attend an event, and watch strangers instantly become best friends (at least for the day/moment). I would later leave without anyone realising that I was there, not to mention that I had left. And this was not really down to lack of trying.

Lol… This is the point where I can imagine what some people would be thinking to say to me. I can imagine someone thinking that I need to be more friendly, more interesting, start up conversations, and many more genius ideas.

It is already tiring trying to think about a response. But the best response I can come up with is this – it is easier for some than others. I do think that some people find it more natural to stir up interesting conversations that instantly make them likeable or appear interesting.

A friend of mine once told me that before we became friends, she thought that I was proud because I was mostly by myself. Here is a very important tip; not everyone who seems to be by themselves is proud. Many of us are probably still trying to figure out what to say to someone that we would like to talk to.

I had a crush on a girl one time during holiday lessons, and I badly just wanted to tell her that she was beautiful. After weeks of mental preparation and fortification, I ended up writing a note and passing it to her. Interestingly, we became good friends much later.

Another time, in university, I was walking with a friend, and a really beautiful lady walked past us, and I could not take my eyes off her (I know right?). My friend noticed and said I should go talk to her. I could not summon the courage to just say hi. Many months later, I think years actually, I eventually said hi to her. I just wanted to tell her that she was beautiful, nothing more.

What do all of these have to do with personality bias?

Oh well, everything! Most people tend to judge others based on their personalities before actually getting to know them.

In a classroom, for example, the teacher or lecturer would more likely pay attention to the outspoken, always-answering-questions-very-forward student, rather than the quiet-looking-confused student.

In an event, more people would likely be attracted to the extroverted person who makes everyone laugh with silly jokes that are sometimes not so funny, than the introverted person who may not say more than a greeting for the entire day.

Perhaps subconsciously, most people generally prefer being with more outgoing and extroverted people. I would love to hear your thoughts on this as well in the comments.

Putting all these thoughts together, the main takeaway is this; we need to stop concluding about people based on their dominant personalities. While I agree that our personalities should not be an excuse or a limitation for us, we cannot ignore the fact that some people have to do more than others when it comes to performing certain tasks whether it is in an academic setting, social or workplace.

Our differences do not make us less or more than other people. Most people would see a white light but looking through a different lens, you will see it is a perfect combination of different colors.

We may not be perfect as individuals, although, I do believe that perfection is achievable, perfection, however, is holistic. It is a function of balancing each other. Each of us lacks something that someone else has. Away from each other, we are beautiful puzzle pieces that do not make so much sense. But together, we are simply an undeniable work of art, beautiful to behold, a flawless masterpiece.

Every imperfection is a space for someone else to fit in.

I hope this made some sense to you. I would love to hear your thoughts

What do you think?

Written by Temitope

Temitope Durotoye is a Hope and Self Discovery Advocate. He is proudly African and loves to see young Africans be the best versions of themselves.

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One Comment

  1. Everything that goes through my mind when I’m finding it hard to “effortlessly” socialize. I feel seen!
    I didn’t know it was called Personality Bias. This totally makes sense💯💯

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